Friday, June 13, 2008


This shouldn't have happened. I have no valid explanation only speculations.
Speculation: Last week a personal problem had me so distraught that I had no appetite, I don't think I had eaten or drank anything outside of the water that it took for me to swallow my blood pressure medicine for four days leading up to my last weight in, and being empty possibly didn't render my true weight. Sunday I was coming back around and decided that I needed to eat. I ate a full dinner, which was bake ham, cabbage, fried okra, mac and cheese, and a small piece of cornbread, and that was one day. I don't think I ate much of anything Monday, I had a sandwich and a few chips. Tuesday about the same. Wednesday, Kandace made Chicken Fingers, fries, and fried okra, I ate that, and was pretty much on my diet for the rest of the week. I didn't use the back breaking exercise tape, I just walked.
This is a total heart breaker for me because I am now convinced (that if this is what I want) I can't stray away from my diet or exercise at all, or it will be a total catastrophe. If I want to lose any weight I'm doomed to a life of nothing good to eat, nearly invisible portions, or nearly kill myself exercising.
I have loss quite a few inches and don't notice a change in my clothes. I just went an tried on an outfit that I notice last week I could wear again, and it's not pulling tighter or anything. But I want the weight to come off. Maybe I should have my mouth wired shut or lock myself in a room and have three meals of air brought to me each day.
Bottom line is, I just think I should be stronger than I am concerning this. I fought with my doctor, not to go on blood pressure medication, because I wanted to see if losing the weight would take care of the problem, now my doctor has force me to take the medication because I believe she no longer has faith in me. I believe that if I really want something as bad as I want this, I should be able to do it, I've done it before. It's not even that much weight to lose. I won't even voice how I feel about myself right now, for fear of offending someone who maybe going through this same thing.
I know what I've said will concern you, I'm concerned, but it's how I feel right now. I'm not happy at all.